Anger and Resentment

I surprise myself sometimes with how angry, resentful, and jealous I can be. I cannot forgive those I should, and I cannot let go of what I wish to let go. It's like a flood of pure hatred that flows through my veins. No wonder I cant get pregnant. I'm stopped by what-ifs and doubts. It's truly a poison, wrapping its way around what's left of my heart until I can do nothing but choose between crying or destroying all that is around me. I want to be grateful for what I have, I want to be a good person, but I feel like I'm only one half of a whole, trying to hide the true demonic creature that I am. It sucks. I'll never stop trying to better myself, its just discouraging to keep going sometimes, especially because I feel guilty for feeling a certain way towards people that I really shouldn't. but the point is, I can never tell if I'm the face behind the mask...or the mask itself.